Written by Srinwanti Sen
Edited by Ananya Desai
Illustrated by Neha Puttaswamy
Trigger Warnings: Mentions of eating disorders, anxiety, depression, family and relationship issues, romanticised mental health, violence and sexual abuse
“But I did not have it as bad as some other people!”
Hello and welcome to the Trauma Olympics, where we shall compare all our trauma. Let the one with the most validated trauma win!
These days, it almost feels like mental health has turned into a competition. Everyone wants their troubles to be validated – beginning from childhood traumas to family issues to problems faced during the pandemic. People feel that unless you're vocal about your trauma on social media and have the courage to tell it to the world, your problems aren't valid. Most trauma survivors have, at some point, compared their traumas with others. Thinking that others have had it worse, that their problems are not serious and they don't deserve any love or care. Even those who have been traumatized, abused and psychologically and emotionally injured most often feel this. This makes them feel worthless, selfish, and inferior and reduces their self-esteem to an all-time low.
Those who went through a hard breakup or were cheated on say this. The ones who have family issues and feel drained out say this. The ones who had an accident say this. The ones who were sexually and/or physically abused say this. The ones who are overburdened with work and feel stressed out, but still have to carry on, say this.
It all comes down to comparing, analyzing and seeing who is the ‘ultimate survivor’ and ‘winner’ of the most traumatic life experience. Most of the time, we do this unconsciously. We don't realize we've entered into this contest where everyone thinks at some point, people are out there suffering way more than them, that they should probably stop ‘whining and complaining all the time’ about their problems. Or we get to hear the words, "You're not the only one who had it so bad, so stop talking about it."
People use the Trauma Imposter Syndrome or the phrase 'others have had it worse than me'. Imposter Syndrome is a feeling of intense shame and guilt a person goes through which makes them invalidate their achievements in life, their attributes which make them likable to others. Anyone who goes through this feels like they don't belong anywhere or are not skilled/competent enough to do anything. They work hard to put forward a reputation of always being very confident and smart, whereas they always feel the opposite from within, fearing that they will be called out as a ‘fraud’ or an ‘imposter’. This creates a lot of stress, anxiety, burnout and low self-esteem and makes them perpetually fearful.
But who gets to decide what exactly ‘trauma’ is? What even is ‘trauma’? Does it mean someone who has been hospitalised for having the worst accident or surgery? Does someone have to have suicidal thoughts and a 'bad enough' depression/anxiety to have ‘trauma’? Does it mean that someone has to show all traumatic symptoms to the entire world? Only then will it qualify as a traumatic experience that can be shared and talked about?
People are scared to ask for help because Trauma Olympics makes people think that if their problems aren't 'bad enough', then they do not have the opportunity to speak up and ask for help. There is also this stigma around the misconception that people show/talk about their issues only for attention, and they don't really understand the intensity of the situation.
Trauma is often romanticized too, where it is portrayed that being a sad person with a ‘messed up life’ is actually attractive and interesting.
But, we need to remember that suffering and trauma are not a competition – it's alright if you cannot relate to others. All kinds of pain and trauma are valid, no matter who went through what. Pain is not something which should be compared. Your problems do not have to reach the highest point in this imaginary ‘trauma scale’ for them to get validation.
We struggle daily with our brain, mind and body, and nobody should be fighting for a recovery spot. There is a place on this platform for everyone.
Here's a small note for anyone who needs to hear it: You are valid and so are your struggles. Life is definitely unfair, but what matters the most is your well-being, your personal growth and your peace of mind. You are good enough and capable, and you need to know to love yourself. So take a deep breath, stay calm and stay strong. You got this!
Comments