Being Kind To Yourself

Written by Pranati Narain Edited by Aishwarya Illustrated by Spoorti Gowda

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“Have courage, and be kind.”

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”

Whether the quote on kindness is from a Disney movie like Cinderella, or from the revered Dalai Lama, the power of a kind act remains underrated in today's world. It becomes important as well as interesting to note how one defines kindness, as a vast concept such as this certainly has subjective connotations.

“Uttering a kind word to a stranger.”

“Giving shelter to the dog traumatised by Diwali crackers.”

“Smiling at the social workers who keep the streets clean.”

In the above responses as to how one truly defines kindness, it's worth observing that all statements possess a point of external reference. All acts of kindness are, to a vast extent, directed towards an external recipient according to the general narrative.

With this popular notion, it is very easy to forget to smile, to nod in encouragement, to utter a positive remark – at that figure in the mirror.

Internal kindness, or kindness to the self has come to be almost associated with narcissism. People may be reluctant to be kind to themselves solely due to societal injunctions along the lines of, “If you're too kind to yourself, you can't really see your own shortcomings” and “Is that self-love? Self-kindness? Or just self-absorption?”

It is no wonder then, that kindness to the self seems to be the least practised form of kindness, with individuals almost afraid to indulge in it, when these are the people who need it the most.

“If you show kindness to others, others are likely to show the same to you” – This completely disregards the crucial need for some self-appreciation, especially in today's world where any positive validation must be done outwards, and worse, individuals even feel guilty if they focus on their own noteworthy attributes.

In the conflict between narcissism and total negation of the self, the latter seems more toxic than the former. Only when the self is nurtured and shown kindness will there be a person to show that kindness to the external world!